back at the doorstep

chapter 5

He was going to die of a brain aneurysm. Orlando rubbed his temples. No, no... he was just going to cut the heads off of everyone in that damned office when he came back tomorrow morning. He was supposed to be on vacation, damn it!

Taking a deep breath, Orlando mechanically uncurled out of his car, walked to the door, unlocked it, and upon entering the house, leaned his forehead against the nearest wall. He couldn't quite remember when he closed his eyes; maybe he hadn't opened them since he got out of the Jaguar. After a few minutes, two hands reached up around his waist and a cheek rested in between his shoulder blades.

"Tea or back rub?" asked CJ.

He gave it a second's thought. "Back rub. While the tea's brewing."

She led him to their room by one hand. His eyes were still closed, his other hand limply swinging. He knew they were in the bedroom because he could smell the lavender candles that CJ loved to light up in the bath. She released his hand a few steps in, abandoning him as she walked around, opening drawers and doors. Fresh lavender scent filled the air; she must have lit some candles again.

Hands suddenly appeared at his back once more and gave a light push. Orlando landed face first on the bed, sighing even as his head bounced twice on the mattress. "Ouch."

"What happened?" Crawling up on the bed, CJ straddled Orlando's hips, sitting on his bum. She leaned forward to knead his deltoids.

He let out a shallow groan, the corners of his lips twitching up. "Don't ask. I really don't want to remember right now."

"As you wish." She moved from his shoulders to his neck and around his collarbone area, alternately squeezing and releasing, pressing all her weight on the mess of knots that had formed in a scant 5 hours.

"Aahhhhh, bugger me." Orlando let out a pleased hiss. "Down lower, beloved. Lord, that's perfect. I love you to bit---ahhh! Christ, yes."

His wife giggled. "Hey... no fair starting without me."

"The spirit is willing but the flesh is mangled, beloved. Remind me again why I decided I should go into production?"

"Temporary insanity?"

"Oh, right. That was around the same year I proposed, wasn't it?"

CJ punched his shoulder.

"Ouch!"

"If you want the ring back..." she began.

Orlando flipped over, catching her wrists as he went so that she couldn't get away. "That ring is never coming off. I put too much effort into getting it on in the first place and quite frankly, I'm too old do it all over again even if I wanted to."

"So romantic." CJ yanked at her husband's hold; not too hard, just enough to give him a shake. "Next you'll want matching tattoos like Jill and Billy."

"If I thought you could handle the pain." Orlando smacked her bottom. "But you're a sensitive little thing, aren't you?"

"You weren't complaining about that the other night."

"No. Lots of moaning and groaning but no complaints." Inch by inch, he worked her shirt up. "I can't quite remember why though. I should probably retrace the path to help jog my memory, yeah?"

CJ raised a brow but didn't stop him. "I thought the flesh was mangled."

"It's alive! It's a miracle! You've got the healing touch." He pressed kiss against the little bit of tummy he'd revealed. "Now, come here."

So she did.

A dusty azure van pulled into the Bloom's driveway just as Elijah and Mira got out of the Golf. No less than seven pixie-like people streamed out from the doors, making enough noise to deafen an elephant.

"Mira!" The oldest-looking pixie waved her hands frantically. "I've been calling and calling all day but I didn't get an answer so I thought I'd just come over and, oh, my God, Elijah, it's about bloody time you came to visit us, you stinky big superstar and all because you didn't want to change a diaper or give out any more birthday presents, I'd warrant, not that you have any excuse now so you'd better have that credit card warmed up 'cause I'm going to make it burn."

"Jillian!" Elijah barely got her name out before she threw her arms around his waist and squeezed. Despite her small stature, Jillian Tran -- keeping her last name was still a bone of contention between herself and her husband-- was strong, a fact she proved when, after muffling a sob into his jacket, she punched Elijah's arm hard enough to bruise.

"You've totally broken my heart by not visiting, I hope you appreciate that-- Nesta, don't pick your nose, dear, I don't care if Kiera does it, too, your Uncle Elijah is going to be grossed out by it and he won't give you loads and loads of presents from his bottomless bank account which, by the way, I've heard you're going to top off by having your own record label-- Tarrin, superheroes don't eat mud-- and it's about bloody time, too, since you've been going on and on about music for as long as I've known you."

When she finally stopped to take a breath, Elijah gave her another squeeze. "I'm so sorry, Jill. I'm a prick."

"Yes, you are. Come and help me with the little monsters and I'll consider forgiving you and feeding you again. You look like you haven't eaten in years and here I thought New York was one of the centres of gustatory delights." Somehow gathering her brood in her arms, Jill pushed them up to Elijah and said, "Kids, give your Uncle Elijah a hug."

The next thing he knew, Elijah had little people hanging off of his arms, waist, and legs, smothering his clothing with candy-sticky kisses.

"Frodo! Frodo Baggins!" chirped one little girl who probably just learned to speak in full sentences.

"My da says you're a bloody idiot," added another girl who looked like a small version of her mother. "But I think you're cute."

Meanwhile, that girl's twin and an older boy were doing their best to rip off Elijah's arms. "Gerrof, gerrof! I saw him first!" The girl socked her older brother in the eye.

"Did not!"

"Did, too!"

"Sapskull!"

"Bumface!"

"Arse-sniffer!"

"Poop-eater!"

Doing his best not to trip, Elijah commented, "I see they've inherited your vocabulary."

Jill shrugged. "I figure, the novelty of it will wear off just as everyone else is learning how to swear and they can concentrate on school better. Sweetie," she tapped the tallest two of the brood on the shoulder. "Can you help Uncle Lij out?"

Elijah did a double take. They could have been Billy at thirteen only with black hair. "You can't be Nick and Jamie."

The young teens beamed. One of them started pulling his younger siblings from Elijah's arms.

"I bet you can't tell us apart any more," said his brother who was busy dragging his youngest sister off by the hood of her jacket.

"Sure I do." Elijah's gaze narrowed. "Nick was the one who gashed his leg on my coffee table."

"I still have the scar." He pulled his pants up to show it off. The little girl escaped, hooting in victory as she toddled back to her newfound uncle.

Elijah threw up his hands. "I blink for a second and everyone grows up on me."

"A second?" Jill snorted. "Try nine fucking years! If you ever, ever, ever stay away for that long again, consider yourself permanently uninvited to my house. You know, you're the main reason that Billy's getting tubby."

"And how's that?"

"I keep cooking enough to feed the entire Fellowship and when it doesn't get finished, I make him finish it."

Mira wasn't the only one who burst into laughter as they entered the house. It was silent except for the radio tinning softly through the living room speakers. Elijah opened his mouth to yell, "Hello," but Mira covered it.

"They're at it again," she said by way of explanation. "Papa's car is here and music is on to muffle any noises."

Elijah's eyes widened so much that Jill feared they'd roll right out. "How do you know about that?"

She laughed. "You're talking about Orlando and CJ. They were probably fertility gods in another life."

Her guest laughed. "I don't know if I should be disturbed or not."

"Not." Jill forged in, making a beeline for the kitchen. "The girl grew up around sets, remember? She knows healthy libido from nymphomania."

"There's a difference?" Mira exclaimed, both hands over her cheeks in mock-shock. Before Jill could fire a retort, she tugged on Jamie's sleeve. "I've just put a patch on that new version of Deathstalker AntiShock."

Jamie's eyes, and those of his twin brother, lit up brighter than New York in December. "I've heard of a wicked loophole you can access..." His voice faded off as the three walked up to Mira's room.

The rest of Jill and Billy's brood spread out in the living room. Elijah had never seen so many tiny, big-eyed, loud, rambunctious munchkins all in one place. "I think," he started to say but was interrupted by an eight-year old convinced she was a steam engine and Elijah's knees, a pebble on the tracks. "I think Mira's got it all wrong. Fertility is your crown."

"Hrmph." Jillian looked up briefly from scrubbing potatoes. "I don't have twins on my side of the family. It's that goddamn Scotsman that likes to plant 'em in two at a time."

"Da's not a goddamned Scotsman," piped one of the boys, maybe around ten. "He's an arse-licking codswallop." He beamed as though expecting a prize.

Dripping hands on her hips, Jill turned around. "Aye, but he's my codswallop so hold yuir wheesht while I'm about, Tarrin."

Applause came from the outskirts of the living room. "You're getting better at that accent," said Elijah.

Jill curtsied. "Thank you. I should be after living in that godforsaken wilds of Glasgow."

"Bitch, bitch, bitch."

"You know it! Look at me!" She spread her arms wide, wet potato in one hand, paring knife in the other, and a munchkin with wet trailing skirts clinging to her leg. "I'm a disgrace to my bra-burning, blender-hating, corporate mother. Apparently, I'm going to single-handedly bring the fifties back and destroy women's lib with all this homemaking business."

"Bitsh, bitsh, bitsh!" sang the baby girl.

Jillian dropped the potato and knife to pick her up and press a raspberry into her cheek. "Did Nesta drip pee-pee all over Uncle Orli's floor? Oh, yes she did! Oh, yes. She. Did! Wanna leave it there for Uncle Orli to find? Yeah? Who's the bestest Nesta in the world?"

"Me!" crowed Nesta.

From the living room: "Mama, Kiera's using my purse as a mace!"

"Kiera, give Aislinn her purse back or I'll lock up all your sports stuff!"

"Ma-maaaa!"

"Kie-raaaa!" All the while Jillian expertly changed the toddler without breaking a step in her conversation. Elijah watched her, his head resting on his hand.

"You big faker," he accused when Jillian finished. "You actually like being a housefrau."

Jillian winked. "Shhh... I've managed to get my way for the past fifteen years using that line."

"I don't know." Elijah rubbed his chin. "Billy's a friend and a male to boot."

"Ah, but you love my egg rolls more than you love Billy. You told me so yourself."

"Oh, right." Again, he mimicked zipping his lips and throwing away the key. Just then, an extremely dishevelled Orlando bounded down the steps.

"Oh, it's you, Jill. I thought I heard all hell break loose."

"Hello, Orlando. Nesta peed on your floor. I suggest cleaning it up before you slip on it. Or you can leave it there for a few hours and have a bleached, fragrant spot."

Orlando raised his hands. "I finished with the diaper bit around the time you got married."

"And I'm sure you need to get some practice. It's not like riding a bicycle, you know."

Several engines pulled into the driveway just as Orlando was about to retort.

"And the jungle descends," quipped Jillian. "I suppose I should clean that up before someone I like cracks their head."

Orlando and Elijah traded grins. "Look, mate," said the former. "I'm really sorry about skipping out on you this morning."

"No trouble," Elijah insisted. "I had fun. Really. Mira was a great guide."

"But that's not good enough." Orlando laid a hand on the younger man's shoulder. "Stay on a bit longer. The week, even, instead of just the weekend. We'll catch up on everything, all right?"

Twenty years. He'd known this man for twenty god-damned years and still, when Orlando did that please thing with the eyebrows, Elijah couldn't find it in himself to say no.

"Okay. I can stay the whole week."

"Brilliant," was the last quiet word he heard come out of Orlando's mouth. Because Jillian was being very accurate when she said the jungle had descended. The Fellowship was together again. And, Lord have mercy, they brought family.