02 Mar 2007

I have only the vaguest idea of who Roy Harper is and I want to wrap him in fleece and feed him unburnt pizza. Damn you for making me want to put another title in my pullbox!

Pardon me, I'm kind of leaping about in giddy glee. Ahem.

That might be the best feedback EVER. Period. You've so made my night. Partly because that's how I generally feel about Roy anyway. The man should be wrapped in fleece and fed unburnt pizza! And here I put on my innocent face and totally don't let you near zoe_chan because I definitely have not corrupted her introduced her to a giddy, flailing love of all things Roy. Nope. Uh-uh.

I blame Lian? He's such a good daddy.

He's a DAD? If you tell me he's a very young single dad who's trying his damndest but doesn't always have it together I'm going to have to give up and increase my monthly comic expenditure.

Dude, got it in one. He's got a daughter whose mother is an assassin who nuked a country. And she's the cutest damned thing EVER. Witness the cute that kills me. PENGUINS. And he has background checks done on her friends' parents. ::loves::

Never mind that there is no canonical mention of his mother, his father died in a forest fire when he was 2, he was raised by a Navajo medicine man until he was 12 or 13, then he was taken in by Green Arrow (aka Oliver Queen, billionaire) and became "Speedy." Except Ollie's kind of negligent and Speedy was a member of the Teen Titans but they broke up and Ollie was gone more than he was there and so Roy got addicted to heroin and when Ollie found he kicked him out and then Roy wound up kicking the habit, and he was a drummer in a band called "Great Frog" and he worked for the government for a while which is how met Lian's mom and guh. ::flail::

*flails*

Okay, he's TOTALLY invited to The Pub That somehow Never Burns Down.

::is bouncing OFF her chair::

Dude, he's got the snark, too. He and Remy would have AT it.

I think Clark just sprouted a headache.

It's saying something if Clark has a headache. What'd Remy do now?

I think the headache was a reaction to the idea that Remy now has a BFF in the pub who'd help bug Bruce. 'Cause really, Remy does NOT need a cheering squad for Bruce-baiting at this point.

HA! Yeah, he would, too. Take this icon for instance--it comes from this. Oh, Roy, you silly boy. ?

That's TOTALLY what hes saying!

Oh, ROY!

Poor Bruce.

Poor, poor, POOR Clark.

We really are trying to turn Richard into an alcoholic, aren't we?

It's never a good sign when he's under the table.

It's quite unfair, really. He's not even a canon comic character who'd be used to all these convolutions.

*throws a bottle of Stoli under the table*

You know, it's true. Poor man. Can't blame him for preferring to go through these encounters with a little blood in his alcohol stream.

He should really be commended to sticking t alcohol. I'd've moved onto hard drugs by now.

Yes, only Roy would totally kick his ass.

Look at us talking as if he's a regular already.

I know. The only problem is that he's Dick's age, and Dick is (by my estimation) roughly Jason's age.

Which isn't a problem if the boys are old enough to be in The Bar That Doesn't Blow Up. ;)

Maybe the Pub That Doesn't Blow Up is like the Subreality Cafe.

Temporal anomoly and wormhole all in one.

It would explain how Marvel and DC characters can get together without, you know, disrupting the time/space continuum. Which is always fun and might be how you can fit Cable in.

Can you just imagine the look on Remy's face?

"HE'S my neph-- SCOTT'S sperm made HIM?"

::dies:: I'm not sure what would traumatize him more--Cable, or the idea that Scott has sperm.

Bruce has just figured out a way to get revenge.

And Clark is pretty sure this is his cue to get under the table and join Richard in his drunken stupor.

This also where Roy makes remarks about how sad it is that the world's greatest superhero is reduced to hiding under the table clutching a bottle of vodka and NOT SHARING.

He would focus on the not sharing part of this, wouldn't he?

That's it. Uncle Clark is not allowed to babysit Lian again until he shoves over and passes the bottle.

Clark mutters about emotional blackmail.

Remy mutters about little girls who can already wrap men around her little finger.

Richard mutters that he wants another bottle of vodka dammit.

Roy is pleased with himself. He's got Superman as a babysitter, Richard's bottle of vodka and the knowledge that he hasn't introduced Lian to Remy yet because it's his trump card. Remy is allowed his little muttering comments simply because he has yet to meet Lian. She'll have him in a tutu singing Disney songs in five minutes flat.

Clearly, Roy has the upperhand in this situation. He'll even let Richard have his vodka back.

The image of Remy in a tutu singing "Be Our Guest" is going to break me. *snerkle*

Oh, and Roy so has hidden cameras and recording devices all OVER his apartment for the occasion.

Blackmail FOREVER.

And this is why he and Remy are going to be BFF. Beware world-- the sexy heirs to Machiavelli's throne are in da house.

Yup. Because they can either spend their lives trying to one-up one another (and in the process continually reaching a standstill), or they can join forces and RULE THE WORLD!!! BWAHAHAHA!

....Or something less supervillainesque. They do need to be good role models for Lian.

In Remy's humble opinion, "good" is a relative term. His adopted dad, Jean Luc, was a perfectly good role model for a thief.

Lian will enjoy life ever so much more if she followed her cool Uncle Remy's example.

If one day, unbeknownst to us, we're at a con together or something, will the world implode?

We will wreck havok on the time-space continuum and it will be great fun. Until Cable comes to kick our asses.

Mmmmm... Cable's ass. Oh noooooes!

It's okay, we'll distract him with coffee.

And we must have a favor or two to call in. I mean, Richard's been too drunk to know what's been going on nice to us!

...Although he *isn't* one of the superheroes, is he?

I think Richard is an honourary superhero for babysitting all the others at the pub.

That's right. It takes a lot of courage and fortitude to hide under the table with vodka prevent the End Of The World As We Know It innumerable times.

Totally. His codename is Hot Dimples Yum Bum Hypno-Eyes--

He's too sexy for a code name, too sexy for a code name, too sexy...

And now that song is stuck in my head. Accompanied by pleasant images of Richard, so thank you.

Hopefully, there are no fuschia body armour mesh shirts involved.

I guess that's only fair for introducing the image of Remy in a tutu singing Disney.

But now I'm seeing Richard in Remy's body armor and um.

I'm thinking those boys never told us about how they met.

Cue Remy's eyebrows wagging.

Richard? Richard, why are you behind the bar? Since when do they let you back there if you're not an employee? And are you hiding?

Also, why is the entire bottom shelf completely devoid of bottles?

It's a good thing Clark's here, because there's no way he'll make it home on his own now.

Bruce totally knows what Richard's nosedive into liquor means. Which means that he's got yet another reason to dislike Remy.

Remy is totally humming Right Said Fred and gyrating

I'm sure it's not just us, right? I mean, other people find them amusing, right?

They WOULD, I'm CERTAIN. We break Richard's spirit! Wait, that's not meant to be entertaining, is it?

I'm sure Lois finds it VERY entertaining.

Well, clearly. Why do you think she continues to let Richard and Clark go to that bar?

Clearly, all the female SOs are in the bar with us watching this all happen and drinking a bunch of very girly drinks with umbrellas.

Strawberry flavored!

And edible orchids!

And doing NOTHING to stop it, because it's like watching porn but better.

MUCH better because everyone is still giftwrapped! Poor Jean. She's still trying to figure out a way to convince Scott to take time off with his dirnking buddy, Remy.

Really, Jean needs to call Lois and they need to figure out a way to get Scott to join the fun. (Although would it cause a time/space implosion if Richard and Scott were in the same room at the same time?)

It would certain cause a Katt & Sara implosion and quite possibly a Lois & Jean supernova

Scott's positive that anything that makes Remy that happy has got to be illegal

Well. He's probably right.

Of course he's right.

I say we have someone kidnap Scott and drag him to the bar.

Maybe if Jean tells him he can wear his leather jacket of bad assness again.

Oh, that might do it. The guys always get together on Fridays. I just decided this.

Because even villains don't work on Fridays.

True! The villains are in their OWN bar-of-physics-defiance Which, you know, is also a very cracktastic thought.

I'm not sure I know who the villains are any more. The Bar of Physics Defiance probably only serves milk and juice and they talk about the latest episode of Grey's Anatomy. After all, if the pub is where the heroes go to be slightly immoral, then the pub must be where the villains go to be slightly moral.

Good lord, it's true! Except that Grey's Anatomy can be quite racy.

Hmmm. Lost? Kim Possible?

RON!!!!!

OMG RON at the bar! Ron totally owns the bar.

oh, dear god, he DOES.

IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!

He is the owner of the bar-that-never-blows-up This makes me happy in a scary way. AND RUFUS!

RUFUS!!!

RUFUS is the BARTENDER!

I thought Remy was the bartender. Rufus can be the bouncer.

Oh, that's right, Remy's the bartender. My bad! He just does so much flirting--uh, arguing--with Bruce that I forgot.

Besides, who can look at Remy and NOT want him?

Which makes total sense for Remy and Richard's first meeting to have been a drunken sexual encounter in, uh... where was it again, boys?

It was Mardi Gras in New Orleans. Richard thought he was being hard core for partying on Bourbon Street and Remy took advantage of his naivte. And also took his wallet And his car

The only coherent thing i have to say to that is something like "shamana"

Maybe that's Richard's codename

DUDE!!!!!! RICHARD! AKA SHAMANA! Which.... makes the other men snerk but it is SO his codename and the women all get it.

IT IS And all the women agree

Remy: Shamana? Seriously?
Richard: Just smiles knowingly into his bottomless glass of liquor.

Scott: That's worse that Adam's chosen nickname

Adam: HEY!

Alex: Dude, you spelled X-treme with an X!

Adam: YOU spelled Havok with a K!

Scott: Clearly I should have checked your spelling homework more carefully.

Remy: Clearly, no homework check can sure those two of loserdom. I mean "havok?" "X-treme"? Can we spell "over-compensation" too?

Clark: O-v-e-r...

Richard: *smacks him* Not LITERALLY.

Clark: Well, Lois always needs help

Roy: So this is what the big kids do on Fridays? Sit around flirting with each other through a thin veil of snark?

Ron (from the kitchen): You should see what they do on Saturdays.

Roy: I don't think I want to know.

Roy: *nervously looking at Cable. turns to Scott* Okay, tell me exactly what you did so I can NOT do it.

Scott: Well, his mother isn't an internationally known assassin who nuked a country.

Roy: Ow. Low blow.

Remy: *pets Roy's head* Don't mind him. He's always cranky before Jean gives him his nightly BJ

Cable: *covers his ears* LalalaLALALALA and flonq you, LeBeau

Roy: *turns to Clark* Is it always like this?

Clark: This is a good night. There aren't any explosives. Yet.

Bruce: *hides his utility belt*

Ron: Hey! No explosives in the bar! Do you know how expensive it was to repaint the discoball?

Rufus: *scurries up to take the utility belt and locks it in a locker*

Dude, the fact that Rufus can take Batman's utility belt makes him the most powerful person in the room. and *Superman* is there.

Bruce: Shut up. It's not fair to beat on a naked mole rat. Even I know that.

Clark: The naked mole rat *is* particularly smart.

Remy mutters something about the average naked mole rat being smarter than the average Kryptonian.

Roy: *wide eyed* I think I'm in love

Cable: More coffee in my whiskey. Now.